What is the hardest thing I've ever experienced?

The hardest thing I've ever experienced, without a doubt, was losing my husband, Chuck.  When I lost my dad it really shook me and hurt so much, but losing Chuck was indescribable.  I have never experienced such heartwrenching hurt and sense of loss that came from the deepest parts inside of me.  I honestly don't know how anyone survives such pain.  You just don't feel like you can take any more, live through any more, and that surely your body will just collapse into it and dissolve because there simply isn't anything left...  On top of the hurt and pain and loss, I had such a feeling of being "lost".  I had no direction, nothing to "ground" me.  This unexplainable fear enveloped me....I think from feeling so lost.  I remember thinking, "I"m not going to make it through this...how is it possible to make it through this?"  But, I did. I'll never be the same person after surviving his death.  All I can do is be a better person and live life fully enough for both of us.  That's my hope and my mission.