2011 is coming to an end....it hasn't been a great year....but I've had much worse. I've learned to not weigh myself down with a lot of resolutions that I won't keep - so this year I'm going to keep it simple. I WILL lose at least 60 pounds for my son's wedding in December, 2012. That is going to be my primary focus. I also want to SAVE MORE MONEY! If I can do those two things, I think it will be a successful year and everything else I want will fall into place.
I am going to post my daily progress on here....but I don't think I'll be posting pictures - haha : )
A place to share my goofy life through stories about my mishaps, recipes, decorating and everything in between as I try to find my way again...all with a smile = )
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Facebook Note from 7/12/2011 ~ "The Big Truck Story"
I'm almost too embarrassed to share this one.......hahahahahaha WOW!
I take off for mom's and as I approach the exit for 474, I glance up and see cones down the middle of the road and a sign with an arrow to the right that reads "TRUCKS". 'Oh geeze', I think and I pull over to the right side of the cones. Then, I have to stop because there is a big grain truck thing in front of me. I'm sitting there behind him and can see these guys with orange vests up ahead and a trailer on the side of the road. I continue to listen to my music and text a little.
A guy with an orange vest walks up to my window, I think, 'uh oh - did he see me texting?' and roll down my window.
"May I help you?" he asks laughing
I am confused a bit, but am also glad he doesn't seem to care about my phone, and say, 'Huh? I just followed the sign for trucks'.
He starts laughing a bit harder and as another guy with an orange vest walks up he says, "We are weighing trucks".
Me, 'okay???' and I kind of put my arm out showing him that I am indeed in a truck.
As he holds his arms out like men do when they're lieing about the size of the fish they just caught, he says, "Honey, we weigh BIG TRUCKS".
For a slight second I was going to take offense to that, but then I pause, think, pay attention to the fact that there is a semi in back of me...and of course the grain truck in front of me that is beginning to pull away.
'Ohhhhh boy, I so should have gotten that one.' and then I start laughing. Because he and his orange vested buddies are now all around my "truck" laughing too.
Me: 'I'm not really sure how to get out of here, do you think he'll let me back up?'
Orange vest guy hanging out of the trailer, "Let her weigh!"
Orange vest guy just hanging around laughing, "The tracks are set too wide"
Orange vest guy who originally talked to me........still laughing
Orange vest guy hanging out of trailer, "Scoot 'em together".
Me: 'Sorry'
They move the tracks closer together.....The orange vest guy hanging out of the trailer waves me forward.
ME: 'I don't think they are close enough."
A BIG truck honks from behind.........pppffttt
The original orange vest guy says, "you'll be fine, let's go" and he walks along the side of my truck, holding his hand in my window (which I thought was nice of him - except he is still laughing).
My-size trucks zooming by are honking and pointing.....
I get "up" there and the guy on the trailer says, "All right!"
One orange vest guys start clapping.....
I don't know if I should laugh more or cry.......
Me: "He's not going to yell out my weight is he?"
Original orange vest guy, "Nah, you're all set - where do you live?"
ME: "Why, am I in trouble? I know I need to pay better attention!"
Orange vest guy hitting the side of my truck once he's walked me back down the little track thingy's says, "No, you're not in trouble, be safe".
Then they wave me through and wave at me......and so does the semi truck driver behind me
I'm almost too embarrassed to share this one.......hahahahahaha WOW!
I take off for mom's and as I approach the exit for 474, I glance up and see cones down the middle of the road and a sign with an arrow to the right that reads "TRUCKS". 'Oh geeze', I think and I pull over to the right side of the cones. Then, I have to stop because there is a big grain truck thing in front of me. I'm sitting there behind him and can see these guys with orange vests up ahead and a trailer on the side of the road. I continue to listen to my music and text a little.
A guy with an orange vest walks up to my window, I think, 'uh oh - did he see me texting?' and roll down my window.
"May I help you?" he asks laughing
I am confused a bit, but am also glad he doesn't seem to care about my phone, and say, 'Huh? I just followed the sign for trucks'.
He starts laughing a bit harder and as another guy with an orange vest walks up he says, "We are weighing trucks".
Me, 'okay???' and I kind of put my arm out showing him that I am indeed in a truck.
As he holds his arms out like men do when they're lieing about the size of the fish they just caught, he says, "Honey, we weigh BIG TRUCKS".
For a slight second I was going to take offense to that, but then I pause, think, pay attention to the fact that there is a semi in back of me...and of course the grain truck in front of me that is beginning to pull away.
'Ohhhhh boy, I so should have gotten that one.' and then I start laughing. Because he and his orange vested buddies are now all around my "truck" laughing too.
Me: 'I'm not really sure how to get out of here, do you think he'll let me back up?'
Orange vest guy hanging out of the trailer, "Let her weigh!"
Orange vest guy just hanging around laughing, "The tracks are set too wide"
Orange vest guy who originally talked to me........still laughing
Orange vest guy hanging out of trailer, "Scoot 'em together".
Me: 'Sorry'
They move the tracks closer together.....The orange vest guy hanging out of the trailer waves me forward.
ME: 'I don't think they are close enough."
A BIG truck honks from behind.........pppffttt
The original orange vest guy says, "you'll be fine, let's go" and he walks along the side of my truck, holding his hand in my window (which I thought was nice of him - except he is still laughing).
My-size trucks zooming by are honking and pointing.....
I get "up" there and the guy on the trailer says, "All right!"
One orange vest guys start clapping.....
I don't know if I should laugh more or cry.......
Me: "He's not going to yell out my weight is he?"
Original orange vest guy, "Nah, you're all set - where do you live?"
ME: "Why, am I in trouble? I know I need to pay better attention!"
Orange vest guy hitting the side of my truck once he's walked me back down the little track thingy's says, "No, you're not in trouble, be safe".
Then they wave me through and wave at me......and so does the semi truck driver behind me
Facebook Note from 6/20/2011 ~ "Firefly Story"
While I was walking the dogs I saw a couple of lightening bugs. I decided that to celebrate my first official day of summer break that I would catch some and put them in a jar by my bed like I used to when I was little. I got pretty excited about it actually and started hurrying the dogs so I could get home and get prepared before it got too dark.
Once we got home I went into the garage and it took me forever to find a jar with a lid. I finally found one and then it took me a little while longer to find the pokey thing and a hammer. I poked my lid full of holes and was giggling outloud about how much fun I was going to have and how neat it would be to fall asleep watching the bugs twinkle.
I decided to pour myself a drink and because Toby had run off with one of my shoes when we got home, also decided to go barefoot. I grabbed my drink, my jar, told the dogs how much fun we were going to have. I stepped out the door, stopped and put some grass in my jar.
The scene was really perfect - fire flies lighting up the front yard. Yes, yes, I thought to myself - this is the perfect thing to do to celebrate summer. This was going to be so much fun!
Then, I took two giant leaps after my first fire fly, slipped on dog poop, spilled my drink all over me, shattered my bug jar on the concrete and fell flat on my ass.
The dogs stood deathly still waiting for the tantrum that was sure to follow. Instead, i laid there a minute - or two - one leg bent back behind me, the other to the side, one hand still clutching my empty glass....then absolutely determined to not let my first summer memory be totally destroyed I pointed to the sky and said, "Look boys - it's the big dipper!!"
While I was walking the dogs I saw a couple of lightening bugs. I decided that to celebrate my first official day of summer break that I would catch some and put them in a jar by my bed like I used to when I was little. I got pretty excited about it actually and started hurrying the dogs so I could get home and get prepared before it got too dark.
Once we got home I went into the garage and it took me forever to find a jar with a lid. I finally found one and then it took me a little while longer to find the pokey thing and a hammer. I poked my lid full of holes and was giggling outloud about how much fun I was going to have and how neat it would be to fall asleep watching the bugs twinkle.
I decided to pour myself a drink and because Toby had run off with one of my shoes when we got home, also decided to go barefoot. I grabbed my drink, my jar, told the dogs how much fun we were going to have. I stepped out the door, stopped and put some grass in my jar.
The scene was really perfect - fire flies lighting up the front yard. Yes, yes, I thought to myself - this is the perfect thing to do to celebrate summer. This was going to be so much fun!
Then, I took two giant leaps after my first fire fly, slipped on dog poop, spilled my drink all over me, shattered my bug jar on the concrete and fell flat on my ass.
The dogs stood deathly still waiting for the tantrum that was sure to follow. Instead, i laid there a minute - or two - one leg bent back behind me, the other to the side, one hand still clutching my empty glass....then absolutely determined to not let my first summer memory be totally destroyed I pointed to the sky and said, "Look boys - it's the big dipper!!"
Facebook Note from 1/15/2011 ~ "Toby and the Mail Lady"
I let Toby out to play in the snow while I was painting woodwork. I could see him out the window jumping around and rolling around in the snow in the front yard. He really does a good job of staying close and every once in awhile he'd come up and look in the window from the front porch to check on me - or to make sure I was checking on him. ha. He's funny to watch - throwing snow and digging - doing circles.
I started down the hallway and that meant I had to paint awhile and then get up and look for him to make sure he was still there. Pretty soon Sparky starts growling and doing these little barks so I figured Toby was probably at the door wanting in. I get up, walk in the living room and see some woman running after Toby in the neighbors yard across the street!! OH BOY!! I didn't have time to put my shoes on, so I ran out there in my socks. Sure enough, Toby has something in his mouth that this woman wanted and he was doing a very good job of playing keep away. What I couldn't understand was why her car was parked in the street with the door open!!
I yell at Toby to stop and he does for a second - a very brief second and darts off again. "What's he got?" I yell at the woman. "The mail! He grabbed it from me before I could get it in their mailbox!" "You're the mailman??" OH CRAP!! We both are trying to chase him, but of course he thinks it is a game and he is having a ball running circles around us dropping pieces of mail as he goes (and because he still has his Christmas collar on he is jingling as he goes too). I'm yelling at him that it is a federal offense to mess with the mail, that my feet were cold and - that I was NOT playing and he needed to stop right now and finally I yell in my meanest voice, "GD it TOBY!! DROP IT!!" And to the complete surprise of both of us - he did! In fact it was such a surprise that we both stopped and looked at each other, but then when we started towards he darted off again and thank goodness forgot to pick the mail back up.
I felt horrible, helped the mail lady pick up the mail and we stopped to talk because I just felt so bad and to well, catch our breath, and she was telling me how she went to put the mail in the mailbox and he came up and grabbed it from her. I told her how I was teaching him to bring in the mail. She said, "Well not THEIR mail did you?" (nooooo geesh).She is pretty flustered and worried she didn't get all the mail picked up andthen....I see it --over her shoulder in strange slow motion disbelief.....Toby circled her car, jumped in her open door, was up on her front seat, looking at us through the passenger window while grabbing more mail!! All I could say was, "Ohhhh NOOooooo Toby no, no, no!!" and the woman turned and saw him and yelled something that was between a cry of despair and a scream of anger and all I could think of was 'I wonder how long house arrest will be for stealing mail from a mailman's car?"
The only thing that saved us was he was having a hard time turning around in her front seat so he could get back out of her car! He couldn't figure out how to back down from her car without turning around either so he was stuck a second or two. This gave us our chance to quickly make our move to the car. He managed to get turned around and was about to jump free of the car, when his hind leg or butt or side (whatever, who cares) landed on the horn and it honked - scaring him - so he dropped the mail on the ground just as he landed outside the door.
Now, at the car door, the mail woman quickly grabbed the mail on the ground and I quickly grabbed Toby's collar. We are both relieved and I apologize another 500 times as Toby keeps trying to jump up and get the mail from her hands (I'm sorry I say - he did go to manners class - noting I didn't say he PASSED). She gets in her car (not before brushing off the snow that Toby dragged in) and says something like no one will ever believe this (and I'm thinking - oh yeah - tell them whose house you were at - they'll believe it!!!)
Then she says, "What kind of dog is that?"
For a brief second I'm thinking she can't be that mad if she is wanting to know...so I say, 'He's a goldendoodle and really is a pretty good dog ...' but before I could finish she says, "that's what I thought my daughter has been looking for one but I'm going to tell her not to...." and she closes the door and drives away.
There, Toby and I stand in the middle of the road - me holding onto his collar with clumps of snow frozen to my socks while he sits there with clumps of snow frozen to his paws and his 'Wow that was sooo much fun, mommy' look and I can't help but say to him, 'C'mon let's go get a treat - some people just don't get us Toby'.
I let Toby out to play in the snow while I was painting woodwork. I could see him out the window jumping around and rolling around in the snow in the front yard. He really does a good job of staying close and every once in awhile he'd come up and look in the window from the front porch to check on me - or to make sure I was checking on him. ha. He's funny to watch - throwing snow and digging - doing circles.
I started down the hallway and that meant I had to paint awhile and then get up and look for him to make sure he was still there. Pretty soon Sparky starts growling and doing these little barks so I figured Toby was probably at the door wanting in. I get up, walk in the living room and see some woman running after Toby in the neighbors yard across the street!! OH BOY!! I didn't have time to put my shoes on, so I ran out there in my socks. Sure enough, Toby has something in his mouth that this woman wanted and he was doing a very good job of playing keep away. What I couldn't understand was why her car was parked in the street with the door open!!
I yell at Toby to stop and he does for a second - a very brief second and darts off again. "What's he got?" I yell at the woman. "The mail! He grabbed it from me before I could get it in their mailbox!" "You're the mailman??" OH CRAP!! We both are trying to chase him, but of course he thinks it is a game and he is having a ball running circles around us dropping pieces of mail as he goes (and because he still has his Christmas collar on he is jingling as he goes too). I'm yelling at him that it is a federal offense to mess with the mail, that my feet were cold and - that I was NOT playing and he needed to stop right now and finally I yell in my meanest voice, "GD it TOBY!! DROP IT!!" And to the complete surprise of both of us - he did! In fact it was such a surprise that we both stopped and looked at each other, but then when we started towards he darted off again and thank goodness forgot to pick the mail back up.
I felt horrible, helped the mail lady pick up the mail and we stopped to talk because I just felt so bad and to well, catch our breath, and she was telling me how she went to put the mail in the mailbox and he came up and grabbed it from her. I told her how I was teaching him to bring in the mail. She said, "Well not THEIR mail did you?" (nooooo geesh).She is pretty flustered and worried she didn't get all the mail picked up andthen....I see it --over her shoulder in strange slow motion disbelief.....Toby circled her car, jumped in her open door, was up on her front seat, looking at us through the passenger window while grabbing more mail!! All I could say was, "Ohhhh NOOooooo Toby no, no, no!!" and the woman turned and saw him and yelled something that was between a cry of despair and a scream of anger and all I could think of was 'I wonder how long house arrest will be for stealing mail from a mailman's car?"
The only thing that saved us was he was having a hard time turning around in her front seat so he could get back out of her car! He couldn't figure out how to back down from her car without turning around either so he was stuck a second or two. This gave us our chance to quickly make our move to the car. He managed to get turned around and was about to jump free of the car, when his hind leg or butt or side (whatever, who cares) landed on the horn and it honked - scaring him - so he dropped the mail on the ground just as he landed outside the door.
Now, at the car door, the mail woman quickly grabbed the mail on the ground and I quickly grabbed Toby's collar. We are both relieved and I apologize another 500 times as Toby keeps trying to jump up and get the mail from her hands (I'm sorry I say - he did go to manners class - noting I didn't say he PASSED). She gets in her car (not before brushing off the snow that Toby dragged in) and says something like no one will ever believe this (and I'm thinking - oh yeah - tell them whose house you were at - they'll believe it!!!)
Then she says, "What kind of dog is that?"
For a brief second I'm thinking she can't be that mad if she is wanting to know...so I say, 'He's a goldendoodle and really is a pretty good dog ...' but before I could finish she says, "that's what I thought my daughter has been looking for one but I'm going to tell her not to...." and she closes the door and drives away.
There, Toby and I stand in the middle of the road - me holding onto his collar with clumps of snow frozen to my socks while he sits there with clumps of snow frozen to his paws and his 'Wow that was sooo much fun, mommy' look and I can't help but say to him, 'C'mon let's go get a treat - some people just don't get us Toby'.
Facebook Note from 11/30/2010 ~ "The Hot Box Story"
Yesterday was just a stressful day - I mean all days are stressful any more, but it seemed a little bit moreso - probably because it was a Monday. So today I decided I was going to try to not be as stressed and started to bug the counselor across the hall. He is new to the school this year but we hit it off and he spends a lot of time making comments like, "What are you doing NOW?" I mostly bug him and because he's pretty anal, I wait until he leaves and move stuff around in his office. My favorite thing to do is TAKE things from his office and then pretend like he gave them to me when he comes in and grabs candy and as he's chomping says, "Isn't that mine?" and I say, "It was until you gave it to me!" And he believes me and keeps chomping and talking. (I think I have more stuff of his in my office than he has - hahaha). Most days I sing and he closes his door and other days I'll start to tell him something and he'll pick up the phone and pretend he's talking to someone. This is what he did today but I finally called him on it.
I was going to tell him about my shattered window in my door story and he picked up the phone! Okay?? That's rude - it didn't ring. So I say, "Don't do that thing where you pretend the phone just rang so you don't have to listen to my story!" About that time a man walked down the hall between our offices that I had no clue who it was. Upon hearing me bust out Mike he steps backwards and looks at me and looks at him and says, "I didn't think they let married people work this close together". At the same time we both said, "PLEASE!!" and made a few more comments - his was meaner than mine, so I pulled out my nerf super shooter pistol and shot a dart at him across the hall. The guy stepped backwards again and said, "Are those things "legal" in school?" Mike says, "She thinks she's Barney Fife over there". The guy laughs and walks on. I run over to get my dart (that hit the door jam and didn't get too far) and mouth to Mike, "Who is that?"
He mouthed, "IT the phone guy".
I said, now back at my seat so I said loud enough for him to hear me (and I want you to know he is still sitting at his desk holding the damned phone receiver to his ear like he's talking to someone!!! hahahaha), "IT? Are you sure he's not the box guy because my box hasn't been hot since August".
He finally hangs up the phone and said, "You can't be talking about your box to everyone! And I actually think he's from admin. and he probably heard you?"
I said, "Heard me WHAT? Say I wish he was sent to fix my internet box?"
He said, "You didn't say that though did you?"
At this the guy walked back, came in my room and as he shut my door said to Mike across the hall, "I am the man you call if there is a woman who hasn't had a hot box in 6 months!" and closes my door! hahahaha It was sooo funny.
The guy "Dan" said that Richwoods wasn't his building so as much as he'd like to he couldn't fix my box problem. (Story of my life). BUT he grabs some chocolate and sits down and asks me my name and I told him - well, come to find out he knew CHuck. So once again Chuck worked his magic and the guy because Chuck was such a good guy (and he felt a little sorry for him having to put up with me) fixed my internet box. Then I got out a pen I had broken and he tried to fix that and said finally that he couldn't. What is really funny is the whole time Mike is in there (just being nosey more than anything) and keeps trying to schmooze the guy into fixing his phone line and he didn't!!!
After I came back from lunch I asked Mike if he got his phone fixed - AGAIN he picks up his phone receiver to act like he's answering it and he says, "No". I said, "You should have told him your box wasn't hot!"
He said, "Marita, I don't have a box"
I said, "Yes you do, we all have a box....yours looks just like mine and....." I kept rambling
And......he got up walked over and closed his door. Tomorrow when he's gone I think I'll take his radio....
Yesterday was just a stressful day - I mean all days are stressful any more, but it seemed a little bit moreso - probably because it was a Monday. So today I decided I was going to try to not be as stressed and started to bug the counselor across the hall. He is new to the school this year but we hit it off and he spends a lot of time making comments like, "What are you doing NOW?" I mostly bug him and because he's pretty anal, I wait until he leaves and move stuff around in his office. My favorite thing to do is TAKE things from his office and then pretend like he gave them to me when he comes in and grabs candy and as he's chomping says, "Isn't that mine?" and I say, "It was until you gave it to me!" And he believes me and keeps chomping and talking. (I think I have more stuff of his in my office than he has - hahaha). Most days I sing and he closes his door and other days I'll start to tell him something and he'll pick up the phone and pretend he's talking to someone. This is what he did today but I finally called him on it.
I was going to tell him about my shattered window in my door story and he picked up the phone! Okay?? That's rude - it didn't ring. So I say, "Don't do that thing where you pretend the phone just rang so you don't have to listen to my story!" About that time a man walked down the hall between our offices that I had no clue who it was. Upon hearing me bust out Mike he steps backwards and looks at me and looks at him and says, "I didn't think they let married people work this close together". At the same time we both said, "PLEASE!!" and made a few more comments - his was meaner than mine, so I pulled out my nerf super shooter pistol and shot a dart at him across the hall. The guy stepped backwards again and said, "Are those things "legal" in school?" Mike says, "She thinks she's Barney Fife over there". The guy laughs and walks on. I run over to get my dart (that hit the door jam and didn't get too far) and mouth to Mike, "Who is that?"
He mouthed, "IT the phone guy".
I said, now back at my seat so I said loud enough for him to hear me (and I want you to know he is still sitting at his desk holding the damned phone receiver to his ear like he's talking to someone!!! hahahaha), "IT? Are you sure he's not the box guy because my box hasn't been hot since August".
He finally hangs up the phone and said, "You can't be talking about your box to everyone! And I actually think he's from admin. and he probably heard you?"
I said, "Heard me WHAT? Say I wish he was sent to fix my internet box?"
He said, "You didn't say that though did you?"
At this the guy walked back, came in my room and as he shut my door said to Mike across the hall, "I am the man you call if there is a woman who hasn't had a hot box in 6 months!" and closes my door! hahahaha It was sooo funny.
The guy "Dan" said that Richwoods wasn't his building so as much as he'd like to he couldn't fix my box problem. (Story of my life). BUT he grabs some chocolate and sits down and asks me my name and I told him - well, come to find out he knew CHuck. So once again Chuck worked his magic and the guy because Chuck was such a good guy (and he felt a little sorry for him having to put up with me) fixed my internet box. Then I got out a pen I had broken and he tried to fix that and said finally that he couldn't. What is really funny is the whole time Mike is in there (just being nosey more than anything) and keeps trying to schmooze the guy into fixing his phone line and he didn't!!!
After I came back from lunch I asked Mike if he got his phone fixed - AGAIN he picks up his phone receiver to act like he's answering it and he says, "No". I said, "You should have told him your box wasn't hot!"
He said, "Marita, I don't have a box"
I said, "Yes you do, we all have a box....yours looks just like mine and....." I kept rambling
And......he got up walked over and closed his door. Tomorrow when he's gone I think I'll take his radio....
Facebook Note from 8/4/2010 - "The Sod Caper"
I don't want to bore you with the details, but the landscapers had to return and do a major overhaul of the side yard on Monday to fix the fact that when it rained last week I had a mud slide of biblical proportions! Anyway they worked all day - until after 7 p.m. and one of the things they did was put down sod. I spent most of the day painting in the garage and when I saw the abundance of sod I thought it might be a good idea to sneak a roll of it to fix the dead patches of grass in the front yard from Toby's peeing.
Sooo I observed the workers on both sides of the house and tried to "time" their trips to the sod pile. I decided that I would go out, water some plants that were near the sod, grab a roll, run it to the garage and come back and continue watering. I made a place for the sod in the garage. My plan was complete. I text messaged Tyler, "I'm going to steal a roll of sod". He replied, "Why?" I said, "Because I want to!!" He said, "Don't, mom".
I filled my watering can. I checked both sides of the yard to make sure their wheelbarrels were full of sod and they wouldn't be coming back soon for more. Then.....I chickened out and went back to the garage and started to paint again. Second try......I watered the plant, put down the watering can, grabbed a roll of sod, and ran.........smack dab into my garage door! I didn't have the door open all the way - I wanted the breeze and not the sun beating in on me. So in my hurry to steal sod I forgot to duck and BAM!It made a huge bang and I yelled "BABY JESUS!!!!" I about knocked myself out!! - I dropped my roll of sod which or course unrolled. Still dizzy I bent over and grabbed the end of the sod and pulled it in the garage and closed the garage door!! Whew!! Then I wiped what I thought was sweat from my face and it was blood from my forehead. Good Grief!!
Well, heck - I sat there on my step to the house door with a wet shop towel to my head thinking, "That was a lot of trouble to get ONE lousy roll of sod!" Yes, yes....I know what you are thinking and you are right - I decided to get another roll. I opened the garage door (this time all of the way), picked up my paint brush and painted a bit more until I got the timing right again and this time - I just walked out there, grabbed that roll of sod and ran into the garage......tripped over my gallon of paint primer which spilled on the first roll that was still rolled out on the floor!! "ARE YOU SHITTING ME??!!" I yelled.
It took me 35 minutes to clean up the mess. Now I'm ticked.Crime does NOT pay - but I was going to have TWO rolls of sod (that didn't have paint on it) to fix my front yard after all of this. I walked out - very brave on the way there didn't look to see who might be coming, grabbed a roll and ran (very cautiously) into the garage. I then stood with my hand on my hip, head throbbing, garage door smeared with white primer, and hit the garage door button to close it. My work was done.
Later, the landscapers knocked on the door to say they were done and...they had some sod left and if I wanted it I could have it.........SERIOUSLY??? It must have been the side effects of my concussion but I started laughing....Yep - 19 rolls lef (plus the 'stolen' merchandise in my garage). They left and my neighbors called me over. We talked a little bit and another neighbor walked over and she says, "A little while ago Carl was sitting in his chair and called m into the living room. He said, "What is she doing?'" Sure enough - Carl and Judith Scott watched me "stealing the sod". Carl also saw me run into the garage door and the neighbors all had to check out my forehead. Then Judy said Carl asked "What I can't figure out is why she stealing her own sod?" Carl comes out and adds to the story and even demonstrates how I "high stepped it" with the sod. They all laugh (haha my head just keeps pounding) and they ask ....why WAS I stealing my own sod?
Very good question..........
I don't want to bore you with the details, but the landscapers had to return and do a major overhaul of the side yard on Monday to fix the fact that when it rained last week I had a mud slide of biblical proportions! Anyway they worked all day - until after 7 p.m. and one of the things they did was put down sod. I spent most of the day painting in the garage and when I saw the abundance of sod I thought it might be a good idea to sneak a roll of it to fix the dead patches of grass in the front yard from Toby's peeing.
Sooo I observed the workers on both sides of the house and tried to "time" their trips to the sod pile. I decided that I would go out, water some plants that were near the sod, grab a roll, run it to the garage and come back and continue watering. I made a place for the sod in the garage. My plan was complete. I text messaged Tyler, "I'm going to steal a roll of sod". He replied, "Why?" I said, "Because I want to!!" He said, "Don't, mom".
I filled my watering can. I checked both sides of the yard to make sure their wheelbarrels were full of sod and they wouldn't be coming back soon for more. Then.....I chickened out and went back to the garage and started to paint again. Second try......I watered the plant, put down the watering can, grabbed a roll of sod, and ran.........smack dab into my garage door! I didn't have the door open all the way - I wanted the breeze and not the sun beating in on me. So in my hurry to steal sod I forgot to duck and BAM!It made a huge bang and I yelled "BABY JESUS!!!!" I about knocked myself out!! - I dropped my roll of sod which or course unrolled. Still dizzy I bent over and grabbed the end of the sod and pulled it in the garage and closed the garage door!! Whew!! Then I wiped what I thought was sweat from my face and it was blood from my forehead. Good Grief!!
Well, heck - I sat there on my step to the house door with a wet shop towel to my head thinking, "That was a lot of trouble to get ONE lousy roll of sod!" Yes, yes....I know what you are thinking and you are right - I decided to get another roll. I opened the garage door (this time all of the way), picked up my paint brush and painted a bit more until I got the timing right again and this time - I just walked out there, grabbed that roll of sod and ran into the garage......tripped over my gallon of paint primer which spilled on the first roll that was still rolled out on the floor!! "ARE YOU SHITTING ME??!!" I yelled.
It took me 35 minutes to clean up the mess. Now I'm ticked.Crime does NOT pay - but I was going to have TWO rolls of sod (that didn't have paint on it) to fix my front yard after all of this. I walked out - very brave on the way there didn't look to see who might be coming, grabbed a roll and ran (very cautiously) into the garage. I then stood with my hand on my hip, head throbbing, garage door smeared with white primer, and hit the garage door button to close it. My work was done.
Later, the landscapers knocked on the door to say they were done and...they had some sod left and if I wanted it I could have it.........SERIOUSLY??? It must have been the side effects of my concussion but I started laughing....Yep - 19 rolls lef (plus the 'stolen' merchandise in my garage). They left and my neighbors called me over. We talked a little bit and another neighbor walked over and she says, "A little while ago Carl was sitting in his chair and called m into the living room. He said, "What is she doing?'" Sure enough - Carl and Judith Scott watched me "stealing the sod". Carl also saw me run into the garage door and the neighbors all had to check out my forehead. Then Judy said Carl asked "What I can't figure out is why she stealing her own sod?" Carl comes out and adds to the story and even demonstrates how I "high stepped it" with the sod. They all laugh (haha my head just keeps pounding) and they ask ....why WAS I stealing my own sod?
Very good question..........
Facebook Note from 8/31/2010 ~ Personality Disorder
Today I had a constant string of disgruntled parents coming in my office needing schedule changes, demanding IEP meetings, not liking teachers on their kids' schedules, upset that it took them 2 hours in the registration line (I don't blame them!), etc. I had a woman with her daughter and 3 small kids come into my office and while the kids cried and destroyed the place the mom and daughter yelled at me (I'm sorry but not my fault that your daughter has been out of high school for 2 years due to three pregnancies)...
But anyway - towards the end of the day I had another mom/daughter come in and the mom was very upset and yelling about the way she was treated during fee day and she gets really close to me and yells, "My daughter has a personality disorder!!!!!" I say trying to be funny to relieve tension and because I was at the corner of "I don't give a rats ass" and "the apple didn't fall far from this tree" I said, "really? So do I! We should get along fine!" Mom immediately settled down and said, "Well I'm glad you can understand then!" hahahahaha ooohhh boy.
So mom sits down and we are sitting there going through the daughter's schedule and mom says, "So, what meds do you take for yours?" (SERIOUSLY???) I know I should tell her I was kidding - but I can't stop b/c I'm getting a kick out of myself. So I point to the almost empty jar of miniatrue reese's cups and say......"Chocolate". (She's got to catch on now, right?) Mom say, "ohhh...and that works?" ...again, I can't stop..."It does for me!" and then.....mom says, "Well I guess I heard dark chocolate does that but I don't want her to gain the weight with it."
Yes, Yes this is how I amuse myself....and yes, you're probably right.....I'm going to hell.
Today I had a constant string of disgruntled parents coming in my office needing schedule changes, demanding IEP meetings, not liking teachers on their kids' schedules, upset that it took them 2 hours in the registration line (I don't blame them!), etc. I had a woman with her daughter and 3 small kids come into my office and while the kids cried and destroyed the place the mom and daughter yelled at me (I'm sorry but not my fault that your daughter has been out of high school for 2 years due to three pregnancies)...
But anyway - towards the end of the day I had another mom/daughter come in and the mom was very upset and yelling about the way she was treated during fee day and she gets really close to me and yells, "My daughter has a personality disorder!!!!!" I say trying to be funny to relieve tension and because I was at the corner of "I don't give a rats ass" and "the apple didn't fall far from this tree" I said, "really? So do I! We should get along fine!" Mom immediately settled down and said, "Well I'm glad you can understand then!" hahahahaha ooohhh boy.
So mom sits down and we are sitting there going through the daughter's schedule and mom says, "So, what meds do you take for yours?" (SERIOUSLY???) I know I should tell her I was kidding - but I can't stop b/c I'm getting a kick out of myself. So I point to the almost empty jar of miniatrue reese's cups and say......"Chocolate". (She's got to catch on now, right?) Mom say, "ohhh...and that works?" ...again, I can't stop..."It does for me!" and then.....mom says, "Well I guess I heard dark chocolate does that but I don't want her to gain the weight with it."
Yes, Yes this is how I amuse myself....and yes, you're probably right.....I'm going to hell.
Facebook Note from 6/29/2010 ~ "Toby and the Bee"
A little bit ago Toby and I were outside watering flowers - I call it "watering Toby" b/c he thinks his job is to drink the water from my watering can or hose before it reaches the flowers.So we did this for a bit and a big bumble bee got his attention on one of the flowers and he starts chasing it and snapping at it like he does flies if they get in the house. I've never discouraged him because it keeps him occupied for awhile before something else gets his attention, or he eats the fly. But, as I'm watching him chase this bee I am thinking (may have even said it outloud) 'what a dumb a$$, you're going to get stung, then what're you gonna do?!'
Well, I found out, because sure enough Toby chomps down and gets the bee and almost instantly he whines and his paw goes to his mouth and he scratches. He then makes eye contact with me and......FALLS OVER TO HIS SIDE!! I mean he fell straight over like he just literally keeled over. I run over there - hose and all-yelling, "It killed him! It killed him!" I get on my hands and knees by him and I'm crying and saying his name and he's laying there with his tongue stretched out and laying on the grass. The neighbor hears me and starts heading over and asks what happened or something and I'm like, 'He caught a bee and it stung him and he must be allergic!!'
I'm sure he is dead but then he blinks a couple of times. So I now start yelling that he must be just paralyzed or something and the only thing I could think to do was run the hose on his poor tongue laying on the grass with the remnants of a bee on it. I start to wonder if I should check his tongue for the stinger - and asked my neighbor if he could be in that epileptic shock (which he told me later that it's not EPILEPTIC shock but something else that I didn't really pay attention to) when Toby starts lapping up the water from the hose. Then, he sits up and licks my face. Just that fast. The whole thing was just the oddest thing - - - and really now that I think about it was about the funniest damn thing I've ever seen. It was like one of those dogs on cartoons that get clobbered and they roll their eyes and fall over!!
I'm not sure what happened.....maybe he passed out? maybe it just hurt so much he thought he was dieing? maybe he's a bit melodramatic (I don't know where he'd get that from)? or what...all I know is when we got back in the hosue I got 2 ice cubes and he sat here and as I held them in my hand he put his tongue against them. Now he's sleeping but I keep saying his name to make sure he's okay because I don't know if it's like when you get a concussion and you shouldn't sleep for awhile?
A little bit ago Toby and I were outside watering flowers - I call it "watering Toby" b/c he thinks his job is to drink the water from my watering can or hose before it reaches the flowers.So we did this for a bit and a big bumble bee got his attention on one of the flowers and he starts chasing it and snapping at it like he does flies if they get in the house. I've never discouraged him because it keeps him occupied for awhile before something else gets his attention, or he eats the fly. But, as I'm watching him chase this bee I am thinking (may have even said it outloud) 'what a dumb a$$, you're going to get stung, then what're you gonna do?!'
Well, I found out, because sure enough Toby chomps down and gets the bee and almost instantly he whines and his paw goes to his mouth and he scratches. He then makes eye contact with me and......FALLS OVER TO HIS SIDE!! I mean he fell straight over like he just literally keeled over. I run over there - hose and all-yelling, "It killed him! It killed him!" I get on my hands and knees by him and I'm crying and saying his name and he's laying there with his tongue stretched out and laying on the grass. The neighbor hears me and starts heading over and asks what happened or something and I'm like, 'He caught a bee and it stung him and he must be allergic!!'
I'm sure he is dead but then he blinks a couple of times. So I now start yelling that he must be just paralyzed or something and the only thing I could think to do was run the hose on his poor tongue laying on the grass with the remnants of a bee on it. I start to wonder if I should check his tongue for the stinger - and asked my neighbor if he could be in that epileptic shock (which he told me later that it's not EPILEPTIC shock but something else that I didn't really pay attention to) when Toby starts lapping up the water from the hose. Then, he sits up and licks my face. Just that fast. The whole thing was just the oddest thing - - - and really now that I think about it was about the funniest damn thing I've ever seen. It was like one of those dogs on cartoons that get clobbered and they roll their eyes and fall over!!
I'm not sure what happened.....maybe he passed out? maybe it just hurt so much he thought he was dieing? maybe he's a bit melodramatic (I don't know where he'd get that from)? or what...all I know is when we got back in the hosue I got 2 ice cubes and he sat here and as I held them in my hand he put his tongue against them. Now he's sleeping but I keep saying his name to make sure he's okay because I don't know if it's like when you get a concussion and you shouldn't sleep for awhile?
Facebook Note from 6/22/2010 ~ "Signs Toby & I Might get Kicked out of Manners Class"
Toby had his first "manners" class last night and oh boy do we need manners! I was told that he is extremely intelligent...and it was hinted that he is in fact more intelligent than his owner. Here are some signs that make me worried we'll be expelled.........
* As I was filling out the paperwork Toby kept "nibbling" my butt cheek to tell me to hurry. He does this at home too to get my attention and it's cute - he just sits there and then reaches over and does this quick little soft nibble like "hurry up, mom". I was laughing and saying I was hurrying when the teacher said that it was very bad manners for him to do that. : (
* Toby was finding it hard to concentrate and focus with the 20 other dogs there. Then when the teacher took out one of those little red light things and was moving it around Toby took off after it...pulling me along with him to the middle of the circle where the teacher was. I said, "Sorry - he wants the light". She said, "He is supposed to be focused on YOU." I said, "Well, he was until you took out the light thingy."
* Toby insisted on standing between my legs not beside me. I don't know why - he doesn't do that at home.
* I couldn't understand why other dogs kept getting in our "space" and getting Toby all worked up - until the teacher said over her microphone, "You are dropping treats all over!".
* When we were walking in a circle - loose lead walking - Toby kept pulling and passing everyone because when we walk with Sparky they "fight" over who is the "lead dog". Except in a circle there isn't really a lead dog and so we just kept going in very fast circles around everyone with me saying, "I'm sorry" to everyone we passed. The teacher (again over her microphone) said, "he should not be pulling you." I said panting and sweating through my shirt as we whipped by a great dane, "I know but he likes to lead but he can't figure out where the line starts because we are in a circle!"
* Because all of our treats had dropped out of our treat bag Toby decided he would go get some from other owners. He took off and because I wasn't paying attention I lost grip on his leash and he grabbed a fannie pack off of some lady and took off with her dog's treats and me, the teacher and one of her assisstants had to chase him down for the fannie pack.
* As we were leaving - we were to have our dogs sit at the door, wait until we got on the other side of the door and then told them it was okay to go through the door. Toby sat in the middle of the doorway and would not move....then he laid down in the doorway....he didn't want any of the other dogs to come out. I told them that he does this to Sparky at home and we think it's funny. Nobody laughed.
As we finally got through the door, after I had said I was sorry about 312 times, and Toby pulled me to the truck I thought, "NEVER again!" Then I put him in the back seat and this guy was like, "Doesn't he know how to jump up there? He's awfully heavy." I said, "yess I think he does, he just likes me to help him." On the way home I'm giving Toby an earful about having very bad manners at "manners class" and as I'm rambling, he rests his chin on my shoulder from the back seat, sighs and licks my ear.
Toby had his first "manners" class last night and oh boy do we need manners! I was told that he is extremely intelligent...and it was hinted that he is in fact more intelligent than his owner. Here are some signs that make me worried we'll be expelled.........
* As I was filling out the paperwork Toby kept "nibbling" my butt cheek to tell me to hurry. He does this at home too to get my attention and it's cute - he just sits there and then reaches over and does this quick little soft nibble like "hurry up, mom". I was laughing and saying I was hurrying when the teacher said that it was very bad manners for him to do that. : (
* Toby was finding it hard to concentrate and focus with the 20 other dogs there. Then when the teacher took out one of those little red light things and was moving it around Toby took off after it...pulling me along with him to the middle of the circle where the teacher was. I said, "Sorry - he wants the light". She said, "He is supposed to be focused on YOU." I said, "Well, he was until you took out the light thingy."
* Toby insisted on standing between my legs not beside me. I don't know why - he doesn't do that at home.
* I couldn't understand why other dogs kept getting in our "space" and getting Toby all worked up - until the teacher said over her microphone, "You are dropping treats all over!".
* When we were walking in a circle - loose lead walking - Toby kept pulling and passing everyone because when we walk with Sparky they "fight" over who is the "lead dog". Except in a circle there isn't really a lead dog and so we just kept going in very fast circles around everyone with me saying, "I'm sorry" to everyone we passed. The teacher (again over her microphone) said, "he should not be pulling you." I said panting and sweating through my shirt as we whipped by a great dane, "I know but he likes to lead but he can't figure out where the line starts because we are in a circle!"
* Because all of our treats had dropped out of our treat bag Toby decided he would go get some from other owners. He took off and because I wasn't paying attention I lost grip on his leash and he grabbed a fannie pack off of some lady and took off with her dog's treats and me, the teacher and one of her assisstants had to chase him down for the fannie pack.
* As we were leaving - we were to have our dogs sit at the door, wait until we got on the other side of the door and then told them it was okay to go through the door. Toby sat in the middle of the doorway and would not move....then he laid down in the doorway....he didn't want any of the other dogs to come out. I told them that he does this to Sparky at home and we think it's funny. Nobody laughed.
As we finally got through the door, after I had said I was sorry about 312 times, and Toby pulled me to the truck I thought, "NEVER again!" Then I put him in the back seat and this guy was like, "Doesn't he know how to jump up there? He's awfully heavy." I said, "yess I think he does, he just likes me to help him." On the way home I'm giving Toby an earful about having very bad manners at "manners class" and as I'm rambling, he rests his chin on my shoulder from the back seat, sighs and licks my ear.
Facebook Note from 4/28/2010 ~ Emergency?
So I had this good day going and then it kind of went South on me. I was at my second job and was kind of bored. So I text messaged some people and ended up sending a text message about someone TO the someone it was about....oops. It wasn't bad, but I looked like an idiot.
So I text messaged the kids and told them about it and TYler told me to stop texting people. hmmmm...so I started walking around my room. It's an old, old school and the room or office I'm in is pretty small, but I'm kind of just walking around looking at stuff. I notice this button on the wall that said, "Press here to call". Hmmmm......I walked to the other side of the room and straightened a picture on the wall but kept looking at that button. Above it was this big old fashioned looking speaker. ANCIENT looking. hmmmm........ "I wonder what that button is for?" I wondered. I sat back at my desk and tried to work on a sudoku puzzle but it made my eyes hurt. I even pulled out yesterday's Pottery Barn catalog to keep me occupied. But, I kept thinking about that button. I was sure it used to be a way to call the office but I was also sure it didn't go to anything now- I mean it looked like 100 years old....and besides, why would we have walkie talkies if the button thingy worked?
Soooo, yes, I pushed the button. Nothing. And then a voice over that 100 year old speaker, "Emergency button..." Holy CRAP!! It scared the living day lights out of me. I slammed my back against the wall and stood there against it. I didn't recognize the voice. It didn't sound like the sec'y and I don't even know what the person said after the first two words because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. Sooo I did what I always do and said nothing. I just stood there up against the wall like I was on a firing squad trying not to even breathe so the speaker thing didn't hear me. They said it again. SHIT! I couldn't figure out who was the person answering the ancient button!!
Then I hear all this ruckus coming up the steps and down the hall and I was a bit relieved thinking some kids were goofing around and I could get involved with that and forget about the voice out of the ancient speaker. OH noo.....it was the principal, 2 security guards and the sec'y from adult ed. The "voice" was now saying, "EMERGENCY ROOM 305 - lock doors". HOLY SHIT! They came in looked around the room, asked what was wrong because I guess I had this scared shitless look on my face and if someone just left, etc. And all I could say was......"I just wanted to push the button." Silence. Then I started in that I was just bored and I always wondered what that button was for and I didn't think it actually went to anything. The sec'y guard (Sam) asked why I didn't answer Sue. I said, "That was SUE? I didn't know who it was and I got scared.I promise if I'd known it was Sue I would have answered. I'm sorry!"
Everyone thinks it's hilarious. The principal tells me I'm worse than his 6 year old. They laugh and leave and pretty soon Sue tells everyone it's "all clear Mrs. Tuggle was just testing the emergency button" and I could hear them laughing in the office. Then Sam came back in and put a piece of tape over the button that said " do not touch". When I was leaving the principal said, "Hey, the red buttons are for the fire alarm and they work too." (Everyone's a comedian!)
I still don't understand why we carry walkie talkies with us if the all call/emergency buttons in the rooms work??
So I had this good day going and then it kind of went South on me. I was at my second job and was kind of bored. So I text messaged some people and ended up sending a text message about someone TO the someone it was about....oops. It wasn't bad, but I looked like an idiot.
So I text messaged the kids and told them about it and TYler told me to stop texting people. hmmmm...so I started walking around my room. It's an old, old school and the room or office I'm in is pretty small, but I'm kind of just walking around looking at stuff. I notice this button on the wall that said, "Press here to call". Hmmmm......I walked to the other side of the room and straightened a picture on the wall but kept looking at that button. Above it was this big old fashioned looking speaker. ANCIENT looking. hmmmm........ "I wonder what that button is for?" I wondered. I sat back at my desk and tried to work on a sudoku puzzle but it made my eyes hurt. I even pulled out yesterday's Pottery Barn catalog to keep me occupied. But, I kept thinking about that button. I was sure it used to be a way to call the office but I was also sure it didn't go to anything now- I mean it looked like 100 years old....and besides, why would we have walkie talkies if the button thingy worked?
Soooo, yes, I pushed the button. Nothing. And then a voice over that 100 year old speaker, "Emergency button..." Holy CRAP!! It scared the living day lights out of me. I slammed my back against the wall and stood there against it. I didn't recognize the voice. It didn't sound like the sec'y and I don't even know what the person said after the first two words because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. Sooo I did what I always do and said nothing. I just stood there up against the wall like I was on a firing squad trying not to even breathe so the speaker thing didn't hear me. They said it again. SHIT! I couldn't figure out who was the person answering the ancient button!!
Then I hear all this ruckus coming up the steps and down the hall and I was a bit relieved thinking some kids were goofing around and I could get involved with that and forget about the voice out of the ancient speaker. OH noo.....it was the principal, 2 security guards and the sec'y from adult ed. The "voice" was now saying, "EMERGENCY ROOM 305 - lock doors". HOLY SHIT! They came in looked around the room, asked what was wrong because I guess I had this scared shitless look on my face and if someone just left, etc. And all I could say was......"I just wanted to push the button." Silence. Then I started in that I was just bored and I always wondered what that button was for and I didn't think it actually went to anything. The sec'y guard (Sam) asked why I didn't answer Sue. I said, "That was SUE? I didn't know who it was and I got scared.I promise if I'd known it was Sue I would have answered. I'm sorry!"
Everyone thinks it's hilarious. The principal tells me I'm worse than his 6 year old. They laugh and leave and pretty soon Sue tells everyone it's "all clear Mrs. Tuggle was just testing the emergency button" and I could hear them laughing in the office. Then Sam came back in and put a piece of tape over the button that said " do not touch". When I was leaving the principal said, "Hey, the red buttons are for the fire alarm and they work too." (Everyone's a comedian!)
I still don't understand why we carry walkie talkies with us if the all call/emergency buttons in the rooms work??
Friday, December 30, 2011
Facebook Note from 1/23/2010 ~ "My bra is stuck in the saddle story"
Two years ago my friend Tracey and I went to Padre Island for spring vacation. I was not the best travel company at that time walking around in my very-lost-still-feeling-the-hit-like-a-mack-truck daze. But nothing heals you like a true and patient friend.....beautiful beaches and pool.
So we decide to ride horses on the beach. We get there and along with about 30 other people take off on our horses. It was beautiful as we rode them along the water's edge and they stomped jelly fish and popped them. We headed back, parked our horses and get off of them. Except - I had some problems.
This little Mexican guy came over to make sure I got off the horse okay. I swing my leg over and am on my way down when he starts telling me to stop. Okay - I'm just telling you - when I start coming down from anything it's hard to STOP this momentum. I had no clue what he was talking about anyway. So I landed on my feet and realized that something was choking me and my bare boobs were flopping in this guys face!
It seems when I bent over to throw my leg over my bra caught on the horn of the saddle and so while I came down I pulled my bra and my shirt up completely up - leaving everything right in the little Mexcan's face. He is trying to reach over me to help unattach my bra without touching my boobs and I'm still thinking, "HOW DID THIS JUST HAPPEN??" Women are trying to shield their children's eyes from the spectacle and I can't find my friend Tracey to help me out of this one!!
The little Mexican guy is laughing and after we unhook me and I scoop up stuff and put it where it should be - he waves his arms and says what I believe to be, "No ti*s! No ti*s!" I thought that was kind of rude - but what he was saying was "no TIPS, no TIPS" because he said he already had gotten it.
I find Tracey and as she begins to ask why my shirt has this stretched out circle with brown on it (from the horn) and others are pointing and hurrying their young children past me I tell her what happened. We look over and there is my little Mexican guy telling all his friends and they look over at us laughing and smiling........."No tips! No tips!"
Two years ago my friend Tracey and I went to Padre Island for spring vacation. I was not the best travel company at that time walking around in my very-lost-still-feeling-the-hit-like-a-mack-truck daze. But nothing heals you like a true and patient friend.....beautiful beaches and pool.
So we decide to ride horses on the beach. We get there and along with about 30 other people take off on our horses. It was beautiful as we rode them along the water's edge and they stomped jelly fish and popped them. We headed back, parked our horses and get off of them. Except - I had some problems.
This little Mexican guy came over to make sure I got off the horse okay. I swing my leg over and am on my way down when he starts telling me to stop. Okay - I'm just telling you - when I start coming down from anything it's hard to STOP this momentum. I had no clue what he was talking about anyway. So I landed on my feet and realized that something was choking me and my bare boobs were flopping in this guys face!
It seems when I bent over to throw my leg over my bra caught on the horn of the saddle and so while I came down I pulled my bra and my shirt up completely up - leaving everything right in the little Mexcan's face. He is trying to reach over me to help unattach my bra without touching my boobs and I'm still thinking, "HOW DID THIS JUST HAPPEN??" Women are trying to shield their children's eyes from the spectacle and I can't find my friend Tracey to help me out of this one!!
The little Mexican guy is laughing and after we unhook me and I scoop up stuff and put it where it should be - he waves his arms and says what I believe to be, "No ti*s! No ti*s!" I thought that was kind of rude - but what he was saying was "no TIPS, no TIPS" because he said he already had gotten it.
I find Tracey and as she begins to ask why my shirt has this stretched out circle with brown on it (from the horn) and others are pointing and hurrying their young children past me I tell her what happened. We look over and there is my little Mexican guy telling all his friends and they look over at us laughing and smiling........."No tips! No tips!"
Facebook Note from 11/22/2009 ~ "Story for Jim"
Okay this is just a funny story I thought of today when I went to get gas. One time Chuck and I pulled in to get gas at this same gas station and of course I had to run in and pay. I'm also getting us a couple of pops and there was a line. Pretty soon there is this click, click, clicking sound over the intercom thingy. Then I hear the lady at the register saying, "What is he doing?" For some strange reason I knew it had to have something to do with Chuck. It was like he was sending morse code or something...click, click, click-click. The woman says over the intercom, "Sir, can I help you?" Sure enough......Chuck comes back with,
"Yes, would you tell my beautiful wife to get me a can of Coppenhagen while she is in there."
Oh boyyy...now there were a lot of people in there and everyone starts looking around. I say something like, "That was for me." People laugh. I'm about 4 back in the line. Click - click, click... it starts again. People look at me and I just shrug my shoulders. The woman says, "Yes sir?" Chuck says, "Did you tell her?" "Yes, I did and she said she would." Now it's getting to be real funny to everyone. Chuck says, "Isn't she beautiful?" Now we are all laughing. "Yes," the woman says. Chuck continues, "I bet you're wondering how a goofy shit like me ended up with someone that beautiful and sweet." OH BOY!! I want to just crawl into my polar pop cup. Everyone is really laughing and looking to see this guy and now commenting on how big he is and not going to argue with him about anything and he sees everyone and smiles big and waves. They're all like, "that was the funniest thing." I say, "Ohhh he's not done yet."
Almost on cue...........click, click, click.....the woman is laughing so hard now she can hardly talk, "yes sir?" Chuck - "When she gets up there will you call me and tell me what the latest date you have on the can? I don't want that old stuff." People are roaring. Sure enough I get up there - and people have paid but they don't want to leave and miss this. She pulls out a can and tells him the date and he tells her it's no good and tells her to check the back of the rack. She does and while she is looking he is saying, "Have you ever seen such beautiful eyes as my girls got?" Finally the woman says, "Do you want to talk to her?" He says, "SURE, I'd love to!!!" She hands me the mic thing and I say...
"Chuck???"
He says in his happiest voice, "HI BABY!! Isn't this cool??" Now people are asking if he's drunk and I almost wish I could say he was!!!
The woman gives me the date on another can and I give it to him and it's fine. I'm paying and...
click-click-click...
I just look at the woman and say I'm sorry - she hands me the mic. I say, "WHAT, Chuck?"
He says, "Nothing that was just code for I love you. I learned that in boy scouts."
And people wonder why I miss that man so much! LOL
Okay this is just a funny story I thought of today when I went to get gas. One time Chuck and I pulled in to get gas at this same gas station and of course I had to run in and pay. I'm also getting us a couple of pops and there was a line. Pretty soon there is this click, click, clicking sound over the intercom thingy. Then I hear the lady at the register saying, "What is he doing?" For some strange reason I knew it had to have something to do with Chuck. It was like he was sending morse code or something...click, click, click-click. The woman says over the intercom, "Sir, can I help you?" Sure enough......Chuck comes back with,
"Yes, would you tell my beautiful wife to get me a can of Coppenhagen while she is in there."
Oh boyyy...now there were a lot of people in there and everyone starts looking around. I say something like, "That was for me." People laugh. I'm about 4 back in the line. Click - click, click... it starts again. People look at me and I just shrug my shoulders. The woman says, "Yes sir?" Chuck says, "Did you tell her?" "Yes, I did and she said she would." Now it's getting to be real funny to everyone. Chuck says, "Isn't she beautiful?" Now we are all laughing. "Yes," the woman says. Chuck continues, "I bet you're wondering how a goofy shit like me ended up with someone that beautiful and sweet." OH BOY!! I want to just crawl into my polar pop cup. Everyone is really laughing and looking to see this guy and now commenting on how big he is and not going to argue with him about anything and he sees everyone and smiles big and waves. They're all like, "that was the funniest thing." I say, "Ohhh he's not done yet."
Almost on cue...........click, click, click.....the woman is laughing so hard now she can hardly talk, "yes sir?" Chuck - "When she gets up there will you call me and tell me what the latest date you have on the can? I don't want that old stuff." People are roaring. Sure enough I get up there - and people have paid but they don't want to leave and miss this. She pulls out a can and tells him the date and he tells her it's no good and tells her to check the back of the rack. She does and while she is looking he is saying, "Have you ever seen such beautiful eyes as my girls got?" Finally the woman says, "Do you want to talk to her?" He says, "SURE, I'd love to!!!" She hands me the mic thing and I say...
"Chuck???"
He says in his happiest voice, "HI BABY!! Isn't this cool??" Now people are asking if he's drunk and I almost wish I could say he was!!!
The woman gives me the date on another can and I give it to him and it's fine. I'm paying and...
click-click-click...
I just look at the woman and say I'm sorry - she hands me the mic. I say, "WHAT, Chuck?"
He says, "Nothing that was just code for I love you. I learned that in boy scouts."
And people wonder why I miss that man so much! LOL
Facebook Note from 10/20/2009 ~ "My New Truck Story"
So I buy my Sport Trac (and that is kind of a story in itself....Chuck's good friend Mike ("Mikey") who was SO good to me - one of the guys who took me fishing and at his restaurant he kept corn dogs just for me to eat drove over Chuck's truck and met me at the place. I drove over my Tracker. He was going to help me bargain. Anyway after quite awhile I wasn't getting the price I wanted and stood up and said, "You have wasted our time!" Mike says, "Marita - he's giving you everything you want!" I said, "YOU are suppose to be on MY side!!!" (Poooorrrr Mike - had no idea the emotional wreck his friend had married!) haha
Anyway, so the next morning I take off to work in my new truck. I mean it calls people from the steering wheel, shows my text messages across my dash (Now THAT'S distracting) and I name Elvis and it plays Elvis, (except whenever I ask for 'Celine Dion' it argues with me!! And that's how after screaming at it "NO CELINE DION!!" 5 times and then yelling an expletive...I found out it will say, "I'm sorry...I don't understand UCK YOU!"...
Okay so back to my story...I start driving and make a turn and an "E" shows on my dash. CRAP I think something is wrong. I think the E is an error message!! I don't know if I should pull over or what is going on. Another one of Chuck's friends calls me and asks how I like the truck. I tell him I'm getting an "error message" He said, "That's what you get for buying a Ford"....I'm like I'm serious - this has me upset - I don't have 50 miles on this thing yet and something is wrong. I make a turn and now it says SE......now I'm about in tears and tell Chuck's friend...."NOW I HAVE A SERIOUS ERROR!!!" He's like, "WHAT?" I said, "Yes I made the turn onto 150 and it says SE" now. He starts laughing......I am trying very hard not to cry. He says, "You are kidding me right?" I think he means I'm kdding that I've broken my truck already. Then he says, "Marita.....which direction are you going?" I say, "I don't know - do you think I should pull over?" He said, "NO....would you happen to be traveling SOUTH EAST?" I said, "It's NOT that!!" He said, "Make the next right turn and if it has an "S" show up I'm going to have to kick your ass". Sure enough........S.
So I buy my Sport Trac (and that is kind of a story in itself....Chuck's good friend Mike ("Mikey") who was SO good to me - one of the guys who took me fishing and at his restaurant he kept corn dogs just for me to eat drove over Chuck's truck and met me at the place. I drove over my Tracker. He was going to help me bargain. Anyway after quite awhile I wasn't getting the price I wanted and stood up and said, "You have wasted our time!" Mike says, "Marita - he's giving you everything you want!" I said, "YOU are suppose to be on MY side!!!" (Poooorrrr Mike - had no idea the emotional wreck his friend had married!) haha
Anyway, so the next morning I take off to work in my new truck. I mean it calls people from the steering wheel, shows my text messages across my dash (Now THAT'S distracting) and I name Elvis and it plays Elvis, (except whenever I ask for 'Celine Dion' it argues with me!! And that's how after screaming at it "NO CELINE DION!!" 5 times and then yelling an expletive...I found out it will say, "I'm sorry...I don't understand UCK YOU!"...
Okay so back to my story...I start driving and make a turn and an "E" shows on my dash. CRAP I think something is wrong. I think the E is an error message!! I don't know if I should pull over or what is going on. Another one of Chuck's friends calls me and asks how I like the truck. I tell him I'm getting an "error message" He said, "That's what you get for buying a Ford"....I'm like I'm serious - this has me upset - I don't have 50 miles on this thing yet and something is wrong. I make a turn and now it says SE......now I'm about in tears and tell Chuck's friend...."NOW I HAVE A SERIOUS ERROR!!!" He's like, "WHAT?" I said, "Yes I made the turn onto 150 and it says SE" now. He starts laughing......I am trying very hard not to cry. He says, "You are kidding me right?" I think he means I'm kdding that I've broken my truck already. Then he says, "Marita.....which direction are you going?" I say, "I don't know - do you think I should pull over?" He said, "NO....would you happen to be traveling SOUTH EAST?" I said, "It's NOT that!!" He said, "Make the next right turn and if it has an "S" show up I'm going to have to kick your ass". Sure enough........S.
Facebook Note from 9/21/2009 ~ "Chuck's Letter"
The letter shared below was written by my husband to be read at his memorial service...to know/understand me is to get a glimpse at the wonderful man I will forever love my whole life....
If your reading this then it means I've lost this tormented battle.. .or it menas someone has been snooping and if that's the case, Marita, my goofy ass, please stop here and put this away.
No one is more sorry than I am that I can't be there with you.. I'm sure Brownie, Andy, Jeff, Dan,Bobby, Merlin,Keith and Miky and the rest aree having some laughs at my expense. That's okay I only wish I was there to tell the stories the truthful version. I miss you guys too and I'll have some great fishing holes to show you when you get here! To my kids at Peoria high - I know you were a captive audience, but thanks for listening. Remember you have choices - use them wisely. You can choose to stay in school and have a chance at a decent living to support a family and decent life, or you can quit school and work a meaningless existence. Its about the choices you make right now. Mom, Dad thank you for everything. You gave me lots of love and support an d made me— the person I am.
Uncle artie, my brother, I love you man. I miss you already.
To my children tyler and Bonnie jo, I love you. You make me so proud. I love being your dad and I am not done. I will be that voice in your head saying "get serious, finish school, SOON, tell the truth, continue to be the amazing human beings your mother has made you and I hope I've helped a little, do what you need to do not what you necessarily want to do. Take care of your mom she needs you to step up to the plate." Thank you for being my children it is not possible for me to love you more.
Now this is the hard part. I want you all to know that the hardest thing about me leaving is that I didn't get 25 years at least with my girl. Rght nowshe is scared and lost and probably a little mad at me for leaving her. Or, knowing her she is feeling guilty about some stupid thing like not letting me put my gun cabinet in the house. I know honey, you're looking for the perfect place it's not a problem. But listen to me everyone I need you to be my arms and hug her for me every day. I need you to be my voice and remind her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I've spoiled her that way. I ask you to be my shoulders for her to lean on when you see she has too mch to bear. Don't wait fo her to ask. I'll be there too but I need your help. Mom, Dad, Art - Marita is the best part of me. Do what you have to do to see her through this - whatever was to be mine, love, guidance, inheritance,-give to her and tyler and Bonnie.
Now, honey, my sweet Marita Jo I want you to know I am right here baby always strong, and unwavering in my love for you. You can't see me but I'm here. I will never leave your side. I want you to know I have loved you since I was 14, its always been you. Sweetheart, you made me so damn happy. Your kind, beautiful, loving spirit liftd my soul. You are my best friend, Marita you've always been my best friend. My one regret in this life is I didn't marry you 20 years ago.I promise you you'll be just fine.My family and our friends will help me take care of you. You are not alone I will always be with you. I'm so sorry honey to put you through all of this. But I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the only true happiness I've ever know. Thank you for loving me -1 loved the way you loved me. Thank you for putting up with my shit and taking such good care of me and th e kids. You're a great mom and the best wife a man could ever dream to hope for. Thank you for all your work on our beautiful home. Now, you and the kids findpeace and safety there. And, when it's time my beautiful darling, my sweet Marita, I'll be here with a big goofy grin on my face waiting for my girl. Marita, I love you with all my heart and soul. I LOVE YOU. ' '/
The letter shared below was written by my husband to be read at his memorial service...to know/understand me is to get a glimpse at the wonderful man I will forever love my whole life....
If your reading this then it means I've lost this tormented battle.. .or it menas someone has been snooping and if that's the case, Marita, my goofy ass, please stop here and put this away.
No one is more sorry than I am that I can't be there with you.. I'm sure Brownie, Andy, Jeff, Dan,Bobby, Merlin,Keith and Miky and the rest aree having some laughs at my expense. That's okay I only wish I was there to tell the stories the truthful version. I miss you guys too and I'll have some great fishing holes to show you when you get here! To my kids at Peoria high - I know you were a captive audience, but thanks for listening. Remember you have choices - use them wisely. You can choose to stay in school and have a chance at a decent living to support a family and decent life, or you can quit school and work a meaningless existence. Its about the choices you make right now. Mom, Dad thank you for everything. You gave me lots of love and support an d made me— the person I am.
Uncle artie, my brother, I love you man. I miss you already.
To my children tyler and Bonnie jo, I love you. You make me so proud. I love being your dad and I am not done. I will be that voice in your head saying "get serious, finish school, SOON, tell the truth, continue to be the amazing human beings your mother has made you and I hope I've helped a little, do what you need to do not what you necessarily want to do. Take care of your mom she needs you to step up to the plate." Thank you for being my children it is not possible for me to love you more.
Now this is the hard part. I want you all to know that the hardest thing about me leaving is that I didn't get 25 years at least with my girl. Rght nowshe is scared and lost and probably a little mad at me for leaving her. Or, knowing her she is feeling guilty about some stupid thing like not letting me put my gun cabinet in the house. I know honey, you're looking for the perfect place it's not a problem. But listen to me everyone I need you to be my arms and hug her for me every day. I need you to be my voice and remind her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I've spoiled her that way. I ask you to be my shoulders for her to lean on when you see she has too mch to bear. Don't wait fo her to ask. I'll be there too but I need your help. Mom, Dad, Art - Marita is the best part of me. Do what you have to do to see her through this - whatever was to be mine, love, guidance, inheritance,-give to her and tyler and Bonnie.
Now, honey, my sweet Marita Jo I want you to know I am right here baby always strong, and unwavering in my love for you. You can't see me but I'm here. I will never leave your side. I want you to know I have loved you since I was 14, its always been you. Sweetheart, you made me so damn happy. Your kind, beautiful, loving spirit liftd my soul. You are my best friend, Marita you've always been my best friend. My one regret in this life is I didn't marry you 20 years ago.I promise you you'll be just fine.My family and our friends will help me take care of you. You are not alone I will always be with you. I'm so sorry honey to put you through all of this. But I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the only true happiness I've ever know. Thank you for loving me -1 loved the way you loved me. Thank you for putting up with my shit and taking such good care of me and th e kids. You're a great mom and the best wife a man could ever dream to hope for. Thank you for all your work on our beautiful home. Now, you and the kids findpeace and safety there. And, when it's time my beautiful darling, my sweet Marita, I'll be here with a big goofy grin on my face waiting for my girl. Marita, I love you with all my heart and soul. I LOVE YOU. ' '/
Facebook Note from 8/15/2009 ~ "Shopping Story"
So yesterday I went to Chicago to shop with a couple of friends. Laura Matus and Rose Tabo (not sure I spelled that right...her husband works for Peoria PD, knew Chuck, - great people). Anyway....we had just left IKEA and had pulled up to a stop light.....
I was gabbing as usual - talking about the kids (as usual) and I said, "Bonnie made "x" amount of money on her last check! I think she should go into sales." Laura looks at me and yells, "OHHHHh MYYY GOOOODDDD!!" Okay, well I didn't expect THAT reaction from her - it wasn't like THAT much money! But then I noticed the FEAR and panic in her face. I knew that either my eyeball had just popped out of my head or a crane ball was about to come crashing down on me. So I scream "WHAT! WHAT!??" Then I see it.....this big furry THING crawled between my eyes on my sun glasses. Now we were both screaming. I'm screaming "Get it off!" She just keeps screaming " OHH MYYY GOODD!!!!" Poor Rose is in the back seat screaming, "Let me out!" and she hasn't even seen it yet. She is also banging on the door b/c she wants out!
I finally flipped my glasses off, they landed on Laura and immediately we all opened our doors to try to jump out of the car. I'm stuck in my seatbelt but managed to stand outside while still hooked in it (never could do that trick again in a million years!). Laura is out, but holding herself because she is peeing her pants. Rose.....is still inside the car pounding and screaming on the window. The people who are not hysterically laughing at us are honking for us to move. Then this "THING" that was furry and leggy like a spider but buzzed like a bee flew off my glasses and out an open door.
We are laughing so hard at this point that we're flagging people to go around us - me with my seatbelt tangled all around me. All day long one of us would randomly start laughing and then we'd all end up laughing and crying about it again. I can still see Laura's face (Oh she had her sunglasses over her glasses so she just looked comical to begin with) when she is screaming at me. I can still picture poor Rose stuck in the back seat, banging on the door and window, panicked about the unknown "thing" she couldn't see.
Not an hour earlier both of these women were telling me how good they were in a crises!! How blood, guts, broken arms doesn't bother them. Hmmmm......maybe that's true, but if you ever find yourself with a hairy spider/bee "thing" crawling on your forehead - don't expect "calm" from either of them. : )
So yesterday I went to Chicago to shop with a couple of friends. Laura Matus and Rose Tabo (not sure I spelled that right...her husband works for Peoria PD, knew Chuck, - great people). Anyway....we had just left IKEA and had pulled up to a stop light.....
I was gabbing as usual - talking about the kids (as usual) and I said, "Bonnie made "x" amount of money on her last check! I think she should go into sales." Laura looks at me and yells, "OHHHHh MYYY GOOOODDDD!!" Okay, well I didn't expect THAT reaction from her - it wasn't like THAT much money! But then I noticed the FEAR and panic in her face. I knew that either my eyeball had just popped out of my head or a crane ball was about to come crashing down on me. So I scream "WHAT! WHAT!??" Then I see it.....this big furry THING crawled between my eyes on my sun glasses. Now we were both screaming. I'm screaming "Get it off!" She just keeps screaming " OHH MYYY GOODD!!!!" Poor Rose is in the back seat screaming, "Let me out!" and she hasn't even seen it yet. She is also banging on the door b/c she wants out!
I finally flipped my glasses off, they landed on Laura and immediately we all opened our doors to try to jump out of the car. I'm stuck in my seatbelt but managed to stand outside while still hooked in it (never could do that trick again in a million years!). Laura is out, but holding herself because she is peeing her pants. Rose.....is still inside the car pounding and screaming on the window. The people who are not hysterically laughing at us are honking for us to move. Then this "THING" that was furry and leggy like a spider but buzzed like a bee flew off my glasses and out an open door.
We are laughing so hard at this point that we're flagging people to go around us - me with my seatbelt tangled all around me. All day long one of us would randomly start laughing and then we'd all end up laughing and crying about it again. I can still see Laura's face (Oh she had her sunglasses over her glasses so she just looked comical to begin with) when she is screaming at me. I can still picture poor Rose stuck in the back seat, banging on the door and window, panicked about the unknown "thing" she couldn't see.
Not an hour earlier both of these women were telling me how good they were in a crises!! How blood, guts, broken arms doesn't bother them. Hmmmm......maybe that's true, but if you ever find yourself with a hairy spider/bee "thing" crawling on your forehead - don't expect "calm" from either of them. : )
Facebook Note from 7/1/2009 ~ "25 Random Thoughts"
1. How many fishing poles does one man REALLY need? (there are 37 in my garage!)
2. WHY did my husband collect raccoon dick bones? (He said it was for science..I'm not buying it!)
3. There are a lot of spiders this year - ugly, BIG, kind of furry spiders.
4. I wish I hadn't opened the bucket with the soaked-in-fox-urine cammo netting!
5. If I ever get a tattoo it will be of a scum frog lure..."woop..whoop"
6. My husband always said he hated my dog...but he pulled hooks out of big red worm lures to give to the "little furry bastard" to play with.
7. I think someone snuck a bag of frozen fish out of my freezer in the garage.
8. Did you know if you take a plastic garbage can, put some leaves and sticks in it, leave it outside in the rain, put more sticks and leaves in b/c you are too lazy to deal with it at the moment and set it in your garage in hot weather.....it makes like compost? Really stinky, manure looking, fly drawing..compost?
9. Reminds, me - lots of flies this year, too!
10. I'm thinking about keeping the cookies I made for my neighbor and eating them myself.
11. Chuck kept 4 rolls of toilet paper in a plastic bag behind the seat of his truck. I can't throw them away.
12. Seriously...I can't imagine even HIM needing FOUR rolls.
13. I wonder if I'll ever need 2 ice augers?
14. I wonder if Bill realizes that I kept the anchor to the boat yet...I have no idea why I couldn't part with it...I also have the boat plug...but I swear that was an honest mistake.
15. I think I have a mole in the yard
16. I wonder if a soaked-in-fox-urine cammo net will deter a mole?
17. My husband was obsessed with zip ties.
18. Why keep a fire extinguisher that has "does not work" written on it with a sharpee pen?
19. I have kept my "love note" in my tackle box - makes me smile.
20. Speaking of tackle boxes...why are there underwear in your tackle box when you had 4 rolls of toilet paper behind the seat of your truck??.......
21. There is no need for 1 living soul to have 6 gun cleaning kits - 4 of them unopened.
22. I probably should have kept the boat motor engine oil to wipe down the shovel blades with, shouldn't have I?
23. You must be talking to me, because I would have never came up with #22 on my own. (#22 must have been Chuck
24. There are a lot of ants this year.
25. I think I'll go give the "little furry bastard" one of those red worms to play with. He misses you too.
1. How many fishing poles does one man REALLY need? (there are 37 in my garage!)
2. WHY did my husband collect raccoon dick bones? (He said it was for science..I'm not buying it!)
3. There are a lot of spiders this year - ugly, BIG, kind of furry spiders.
4. I wish I hadn't opened the bucket with the soaked-in-fox-urine cammo netting!
5. If I ever get a tattoo it will be of a scum frog lure..."woop..whoop"
6. My husband always said he hated my dog...but he pulled hooks out of big red worm lures to give to the "little furry bastard" to play with.
7. I think someone snuck a bag of frozen fish out of my freezer in the garage.
8. Did you know if you take a plastic garbage can, put some leaves and sticks in it, leave it outside in the rain, put more sticks and leaves in b/c you are too lazy to deal with it at the moment and set it in your garage in hot weather.....it makes like compost? Really stinky, manure looking, fly drawing..compost?
9. Reminds, me - lots of flies this year, too!
10. I'm thinking about keeping the cookies I made for my neighbor and eating them myself.
11. Chuck kept 4 rolls of toilet paper in a plastic bag behind the seat of his truck. I can't throw them away.
12. Seriously...I can't imagine even HIM needing FOUR rolls.
13. I wonder if I'll ever need 2 ice augers?
14. I wonder if Bill realizes that I kept the anchor to the boat yet...I have no idea why I couldn't part with it...I also have the boat plug...but I swear that was an honest mistake.
15. I think I have a mole in the yard
16. I wonder if a soaked-in-fox-urine cammo net will deter a mole?
17. My husband was obsessed with zip ties.
18. Why keep a fire extinguisher that has "does not work" written on it with a sharpee pen?
19. I have kept my "love note" in my tackle box - makes me smile.
20. Speaking of tackle boxes...why are there underwear in your tackle box when you had 4 rolls of toilet paper behind the seat of your truck??.......
21. There is no need for 1 living soul to have 6 gun cleaning kits - 4 of them unopened.
22. I probably should have kept the boat motor engine oil to wipe down the shovel blades with, shouldn't have I?
23. You must be talking to me, because I would have never came up with #22 on my own. (#22 must have been Chuck
24. There are a lot of ants this year.
25. I think I'll go give the "little furry bastard" one of those red worms to play with. He misses you too.
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